JDate vs. Frumster


JDate is the world's largest Jewish singles community.

Frumster is the most successful dating service for Torah observant and traditional Jewish singles.

Premarital sex is prohibited. It ranks up there with wearing shatnez (any mixture of wool and linen), cutting sideburns (payot), tattooing, and the use of the occult.

Chanukah, 0 Chanukah


Chanukah is an eight day holiday which begins on the 25th day of the month of Kislev.

Binary math works just like decimal math, except that the value of each bit can be only 0 or 1.

Chanukah, Oh Hanukkah!

Happy Thanksgiving


Halakhah permits one to have a private Thanksgiving celebration with one's Jewish or secular friends and family.

Parsha Parsha PARSHA!


Parshah: A weekly Torah portion read in synagogue. (plural, Parshat)

Go on a new Jdate every week ... 1000''s of Jewish Singles are Online Now!

Trick or Treat


Is there a reason that American Jews should not celebrate Halloween?
"[..] There is a clear historical relationship between the Celtic concepts of resurrection, Roman Catholic responses to it, and the modern American holiday of Halloween.
Thus, Halloween, unlike Thanksgiving, plainly has in its origins religious beliefs that are foreign to Judaism, and whose beliefs are prohibited to us as Jews." ("Collecting Candy on Halloween: Harmless Pastime or Halakhic Prohibition?", MyJewishLearning.com)
"On Halloween people take -- in fact demand -- sweets from strangers. This alone is certainly not a good thing to be teaching children, not to mention that Judaism forbids such a practice. It is also considered terrible behavior." ("Jewish Halloween?", BeingJewish.com)
"Many people compare Halloween and Purim. Besides the masquerading in costume, they are as different as can be! What happens on Halloween? Children go from door to door, saying, "Trick or treat!" Where did that expression come from? The origin is a threat: "If you don''t give us a treat, we''ll give you a trick!" On Purim, instead of going around demanding presents, the children go around delivering presents! What a difference!" ("The Purim Celebration")

Let There Be Light


Electricity is akin to fire, and therefore it is prohibited to turn on or off electrical devices on Shabbat.

However, once it is on, it's best to keep it on. And if it happens by accident, don't worry, it was meant to be.

If you need to turn on the light, that's what Shabbos goys and kids are for.

When Doves Fly


After the flood, Noach sent out a dove to see if it could find dry land. Fortunately it did.

Noah also sent out a raven ... not a duck.

Sinchas Torah

Simchas Torah, (lit. "the happiness of the Torah") is the grand finale of Sukkot, which celebrates the completion of the past year's cycle of Torah reading and the beginning of this year's Torah reading cycle. We sing, dance and express our joy over having the Torah and being able to learn the Torah. Traditionally, all are given an opportunity to dance with the Torah during the festivities.

When Life Deals Etrogs


The etrog is a citrus fruit, similar to a lemon, used as one of four species during the Festival of Sukkot.

They're expensive!

Tzedakah


In Judaism, helping the poor and needy is as much an obligation as any of the more familiar ritual observances. It is referred to as tzedakah (righteousness).

Anonymous donation is one of the highest levels of tzedakah, second only to enabling a recipient to become self-reliant.

Superstition


Superstition is any belief or attitude, based on fear or ignorance, that is inconsistent with what is generally considered by society as true or rational, especially a belief in charms, omens, and magic.

Typically, superstitions go against the Jewish faith, but this is somewhat of a gray area in the religion. Many rituals and symbols seem superstitious, such as the hamsa (protection against the Evil Eye).

A popular misconception is that the Mezuzah is for good luck.

Felt Tsitsis


More shomer negiah, the rules of touching, or lack thereof. The rules apply no matter what age you are.

"A man is only as old as the woman he feels"Groucho Marx

N-egg-ated


In accidental mixtures, the principle of bateil beshishim is applied--i.e., if a forbidden food accidentally falls into a pot wherein a permitted food is cooking, the permitted food is unaffected and remains edible if it is at least sixty times the volume of the forbidden food.

A blood spot in an egg is not kosher and could possibly render the entire egg not kosher.

* Also spelled bittul b'shishim

Havdalete


The Havdalah service marks the end of Shabbat. It should be performed no earlier than nightfall on Saturday night. Nightfall is the time when three stars can be seen in the sky. It is normally about 45 minutes to an hour after sundown, depending on your latitude. For the precise time when Shabbat ends in your area, consult the list of candle lighting times provided by the Orthodox Union.

You will need three things for this ritual: a glass of wine or other liquid, some fragrant spices, and a special Havdalah candle. (jewfaq.org)

Lashon Hara


Lashon Hara: Lit. the evil tongue. Sins against other people committed by speech, such as defamation, gossip, swearing falsely, and scoffing.
The person who listens to gossip is even worse than the person who tells it, because no harm could be done by gossip if no one listened to it. It has been said that lashon ha-ra (disparaging speech) kills three: the person who speaks it, the person who hears it, and the person about whom it is told. (Judaism 101)

-Mitzvah

Bar Mitzvah: Lit. son of the commandment. A boy who has achieved the age of 13 and is consequently obligated to observe the commandments. Also, a ceremony marking the fact that a boy has achieved this age.

Despite the legal drinking age, it usually involves an open bar.

Purge-a-Torah


Daven - Yiddish: Pray. Observant Jews daven three times a day, in addition to reciting blessings over many common activities.
The Halakha expresses concern that if while traveling one is required to take one's mind off of one's destination and business, one will be troubled over the time lost and will therefore not pray with proper devotion (kavanah). The proper course of action in any situation like this depends upon the time, the place, one's level of religious observance and one's ability to pray with a clear mind. (KosherTorah.com)
Cache: Pronounced cash, a special high-speed storage mechanism. It can be either a reserved section of main memory or an independent high-speed storage device.

Trans-illiterate


The Shema is one of the most important Jewish prayers.

Ba'al Teshuva: Literally Master of Repentance. Used for someone that is newly observant.

Frum Stir


Frum has come to mean anyone who believes in the Torah and is observant of its laws.

Not to be confused with frump.

Frumster.com

Affix the Mezuzah


Conservadox, or Traditional Judaism, is a relatively new offshoot from Conservative, but philosophically closer to Orthodox. They attempt to be as lenient as possible within an Orthodox framework.

Judaism forbids wearing tattoos, ... even if it is a mezuzah.

When It Rains, It Pours

It is forbidden to carry a covering made to use as a protection against the sun or rain, that is, an umbrella, on Shabbat. Opening the umbrella over one's head would be a violation of the prohibition against creating a canopy. [Torah.org] ... Even if there is an Eruv.

Ashkephardic


Ashkenazic Jews are the Jews of France, Germany, and Eastern Europe. Sephardic Jews are the Jews of Spain, Portugal, North Africa and the Middle East.

Sephardic Jews may eat rice, corn, peanuts and beans during Pesach, while Ashkenazic Jews avoid them.

The Fourth Question


Why do we recline? One of the Four Questions asked during Maggid.

It is a mitzvah to recline (to the left side) at the seder, to show a relaxed feeling of freedom and royalty.

Seder: Lit. order. 1) The family home ritual conducted as part of the Passover observance.

More Shabot Passover fun!

Bread Count

Chametz: Leavened grain products, which may not be owned or consumed during Pesach. Chametz includes anything made from the five major grains (wheat, rye, barley, oats and spelt) that has not been completely cooked within 18 minutes after coming into contact with water.

Show More Negiah


Shomer Negiah: Shomer - one who keeps (observes), Negiah - [the laws of] touching.

According to the Bangitout.com Top 10 ways you know you''re an Observant Jew attending a Secular College: Shomer Negiah does not include the hot guy/girl who lives on the same floor as you since he/she is not Jewish, or if they are, you don't intend to marry him/her.

Robodox

Modern Orthodox Judaism is a philosophy that attempts to adapt Orthodox Judaism and interaction with the surrounding gentile, modern world. Modern Orthodoxy stresses that if guided by Jewish values, this interaction is in fact desirable and intellectually profitable. (Wikipedia)

Mazel Tough!


Breaking the Wine Glass: This act serves as an expression of sadness at the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, and identifies the couple with the spiritual and national destiny of the Jewish people.

Homosexual orientation is not a sin in Judaism, but homosexual acts are. Male-male sex is forbidden by the Torah. Lesbian sex is not prohibited by the Torah, but is generally considered prohibited as "licentiousness."

The World Congress of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Jews
Trembling Before G-d
Nu? Yenta
OrthoGays.com
Congregation Beth Simchat Torah

Crimper


Moyhel: lit. circumciser; rhymes with oil; a pious, observant Jew educated in the relevant Jewish law and in surgical techniques, who performs the ritual circumcision of an 8-day-old male Jewish child or of a convert to Judaism.

Bris: Bris Milah (circumcision) is a covenant between God and the Jewish people, representing our commitment to use our creative powers to reveal the light of creation that is hidden within Torah.

Nash Some Hamantashen


Hamentashen: three cornered cookies stuffed with jam, chocolate, or poppy seeds. They are supposed to resemble Haman's three cornered hat.

Purim: A holiday celebrating the rescue of the Jews from extermination at the hands of the chief minister to the King of Persia.

Saturday Driver

Conservative Judaism: One of the major movements of Judaism, accepting the binding nature of Jewish law but believing that the law can change.

Ask Moses: Can I drive on Shabbat if it is my only way to get to the synagogue?

Nothing to Fear


Hashem: G-d
Job: the hero of the Book of Job who endures afflictions with fortitude and faith

Strike One

Use of electronic devices, including the radio, is forbidden on Shabbat.

Unless it is an emergency.

Or an important baseball game.

Internet

zaftig: of a woman : having a full rounded figure : pleasingly plump

Yiddish zaftik juicy, succulent, from zaft juice, sap, from Middle High German saf, saft, from Old High German saf — First Known Use: circa 1936 (Source: Merriam-Webster Online)

I Love Zaftig Girls (NSFW)

Coming of Age


Bar Mitzvah: a Jewish boy who reaches his 13th birthday and attains the age of religious duty and responsibility

NB: I wrote this cartoon well before the the "Goldborg bot-mitzvah" gag in the Futurama episode, "Future Stock".